Movember

Certain friends of mine have long said that I was born to grow a moustache. I can see their point, as even when I have had a close wet-shave there is still a shadowy patch of skin over my top lip. Not being a fan of face fuzz, I just ignored their 'advice' and resisted the urge to resemble a member of The Village People. Last month, though, I decided to experiment with the growing and grooming of some facial hair. But why did I do a thing like that? Was it because I have renamed myself Bruce, am growing a mullet and wear thick, checkered shirts; in order to fully integrate into New Zealand culture? No, but I shall explain.

"Look straight ahead for the mugshot, Sir and then we will take your prints"

In New Zealand, (and I believe Australia) November was renamed Movember for the simple reason that men, all over the country, were encouraged to grow a ‘mo’ for charity. The idea behind this was that it would become a talking point and in turn raise awareness of prostate cancer. Apparently, it is the third most common cause of male deaths by a cancer in New Zealand. To support this good cause, a group of work colleagues and members of my indoor cricket team, ‘The Brown Pants’, decided to spend Movember growing and grooming a 'mo'.

Throughout the month, as the ‘moes’ developed (even though this was hard to tell on some people), well hidden family lineage began to emerge. Ginger or gorilla gene carriers were outed! After a couple of weeks, it was time to make a choice of style and to start shaping them. Shall it be a fiddly Poirot one, a butch biker effort, Hitler style, a spiv one or even a c*$kduster? The choice was difficult. Well, not quite as hair refused to grow in one or two places for some of us. I wanted the biker look but unfortunately had a couple of bare patches that prevented it fully developing. In the end, after being told it was not ‘Goatvember’, I shaved off most of the goatie and opted for the French artist look. Well, that was what I was told I looked like. Not sure if that was a good or bad thing. In any case it made it clear to everyone I met that I was participating in Movember and had not grown my mo because I thought it looked good!

After a month of growing and last minute Friday morning grooming, the ‘moes' were presented at the office ‘last Friday of the month drinks’ gathering. $1 was paid to cast a vote for best 'mo' but, in order to maximise revenue for charity people could vote as many times as they wished. Needless to say, there were a few tighties that only cast one vote! Incidentally, $1 is approximately 40p! Unfortunately, I did not win due to some dubiuous casting of votes!

It’s now December and the mo has gone. Actually, it went a day before it was due to as I had an interview for a job on the 29^th November so I thought it was best to look my best. Of course, I had to shave the 'mo' off little by little to create the Hitler look. Everyone does it, surely?Will I do it again next year? I don’t see why not!

Chaplin or Hitler?